


To Be So Lonely

by Lulaypp



Series: Whumptober 2020 [7]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Bruce is kinda there....., Implied Torture, Whump, Whumptober, and is not presently happening., the character death is offscreen, the emotion is the only thing that should be important, vaguish story and noone really know what is happening because it is not important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26885080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lulaypp/pseuds/Lulaypp
Summary: Jason's mind struggled to catch up with what had just happened. It all went down so incomprehensibly fast, yet agonisingly slow. Just moments ago, he wasn’t alone but now... It is the first time he’s left by himself since he was thrown in here. He hates it.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949758
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	To Be So Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober Day 8 - Abandoned  
> Hi. I have returned with another fic and I would also have fics for the next few days. Until 10th. After that I pause. Before I post on the 12th and comes a loooong pause.
> 
> This one, I love the idea! It came when I was reading a discussion people were having about this prompt on a Discord Server I am in and some people were mentioning about how it fits Tim. And I was thinking, 'Well only if you think it in that kind of abandoning. The word can be interpreted in many ways.' And then poof my writing brains churned up this idea and I like it a lot.  
> Writing-wise, this is not my favourite. I feel like I could have done better. But I dunno. It ought to be good enough??
> 
> So WARNINGs: Nothing is really happening. This plays mostly with the emotional aftermath. I tagged Major Character Death because, yes, I killed someone. But that is 1) offscreen 2) happens pre-story. I also have allusions to torture? Not really but it is kinda implied (thus the tag). Other than that, me thinks nothing graphic happens? (look at that I manage to not say blood in a story for once. haha). ALSO! There is a dead person in the story. Like there, but dead. A corpse technically I guess but that sounds odd.
> 
> I am also kinda tired and just woken up so I might be rambling. Sorry for that.
> 
> Also, I am stealing the title from Harry Styles' To Be So Lonely because I am lazy and I got no ideas. The song doesn't fit the vibe of the story but that one line can go.
> 
> So............... have fun.

The metal door slammed shut, the lock clicking into place. The sound has grown more familiar and even more taunting the longer he stayed there. 

It marks another day. Another day trapped behind the heavy locked door. 

It marks another session. Another session of painful torture. 

Jason inhaled shakily, feeling the way his lungs rattled. His chain-bound legs were pulled against his chest as his mind struggled to catch up with what had just happened. It all went down so incomprehensibly fast, yet agonisingly slow. Just moments ago, he wasn’t alone but now... The room feels emptier. Quieter. _Colder_. 

The cell is empty, save for him. It is the first time he’s left by himself since he was thrown in here. He _hates_ it. He hates this place he’s trapped in. He hates that he is now on his own. He hates the loneliness that is trickling into his mind. 

He curled up even tighter, despite his broken bones and bruises protesting, fighting back the sob threatening to escape. He doesn’t want to be left alone. He’s scared, hurt and he hates being left behind. He had always despised it. 

He kept his eyes on the door, refusing to even glance at the other side of the room. He knows what lies there. He _knows_ what he’ll see. Seeing it _happening_ is _more_ than enough. 

Another stuttering breath and he felt his resolve cracking, slowly splintering into the turmoil that lies underneath. He pressed his damp eyes into his knees, willing them to _just stop watering_. He won’t- He doesn’t _want_ to cry. He still feels numb, but he can feel the tide shifting as his mind replays the past few minutes again and again. The pain, the struggle, the anger, the desperation, the fear, all are threatening to overflow. 

He wishes that he could have tried harder. Fought harder against his enemies, be it the captors or his own collapsing mind. He wishes he had used his chance to make things right with his family. With his father. To at least apologise to him before he... Before he left Jason. Alone. Again. With no one but his nightmares and fears to haunt him.

His body shook with a whimper. He wishes his dad had stayed behind. At least for him if not for anything else. He doesn’t want to be left behind. 

His eyes finally moved to the opposite wall, desperate to see his father. 

But instead, Bruce’s blank gaze stared back, eyes cloudy and unmoving. Unliving. Dead. 

Jason buried his head into his knees as he finally broke into a choked sob, his tears the only part of him that is unbound, “I’m s-sorry. I-I should’ve tried harder. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I just... just... Why...” Why couldn’t he have saved Bruce? Why wasn’t he good enough? “Why did you have to _leave_?! You didn’t- I didn’t even get to say-” He didn’t get to say so many things. Say goodbye. Say that he loves him. That despite all that he did and said, he actually loves his father. He desperately wishes that he has done so many things differently. That he had not come back to Gotham as he did. Not let his anger and vengeance get the better of him. And later on, pushed everyone out of his life. Bruce should not have given up his life for him. Why did he? Why would his father sacrifice himself for someone like _him_? He is nothing but mistakes and disappointment. 

_Is that why Bruce left him?_

“Why did you do that?! Why did you let them kill you instead of me, Bruce? Why did you leave me alo-ne?” his voice cracked and another shiver ran through him. The cold seeps into his body and his mind as the grief and loneliness curls deeper. 

He missed Bruce’s warmth and comfort. His father’s soothing words and calming fingers brushing through his hair. His dad’s stong, familiar presence that makes him feel at home. Like nothing is wrong. That all of this is not real. 

But he knows that, even if he can get past these chains holding him back and get to Bruce, it would be cold, still and painful. It wouldn’t be the same. It would never be the same. The comfort, warmth and strength have all gone and would never come back. _Why would they? Why would Bruce? Who comes back for him?_

Grief overwhelmed him as sobs racked his body. 

Why, just why did Bruce choose to abandon him? Why did Bruce leave him alone? 

**Author's Note:**

> I am curious to know what people think of this. Is it too vague? Not deep enough? Too deep? Not charactered right? Don't feel pressured to say anything. I am just curious because I am 1) kinda sleepy and rambly, 2) I feel like this is not what I usually post (I might have more writings like this but I don't throw them here).
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate the time taken to read my angsty weird stuff. Hope you have enjoyed it and have a great day!


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